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18 мая 2023

I'm still around but barely. I've wanted to cry for a long time and a couple of days ago it felt like I might start vomiting just from being upset. I'm grieving for my marriage and how nasty and angry he is. I told him today, for the first time in months that I love him and want the best for him. It just made him angry. We got the results from his neurologist yesterday about the report from the therapist. She said he passed the test very well and that he has no mental deficiency. She recommended he see a psychiatrist for any mood or anger problems but he said he didn't have any of those kinds of problems.

I've had no dessert/sweets for 15 days, and no wine/alcohol in 43 days but not losing weight. Giving up bread is the only way I'll be able to lose. I've started going to the local park for senior chair exercises. At 81 and having a painful bad back that's about the best I can do.

I'm still determined to act with love toward my bitter angry husband and do the best I can for his good. He hasn't hit me again recently but is angry and nasty almost daily, but I can't abandon him. It's too late to start over. The Lord carries me and I'm glad to have a roof over my head and food to eat. There is almost no relationship anymore, just a roommate. He was the love of my life. It's just so sad.

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60,7 кг	0 кг	6,3 кг	Достаточно Хорошо

(28 комментарий) Набралось 0,3 кг за Неделю

18 апреля 2023

I was so pleased today to see a little Mama Hummingbird rebuilt last year's nest (actually 4 years now) in the climbing rose bush next to my front porch. Being a little higher I need to use a stepstool to check on them, then talk to them daily as they grow. They get so used to me that they later fly around my head in the backyard. But the first year we had one in a lower rose bush that we only had to peer down on, I was sorry that I shared my joy with neighbors and the mailman. Unfortunately, they stomped up repeatedly taking pictures, etc. I hate not to share this delight with others but it just isn't fair to them to be creating a commotion. It's enough for Mama to get used to me. The babies are never afraid of me. I talk and sing to them. I've read they can recognize up to about 6 people. We have quite a few in both the front and back yard, but I'm especially thrilled I get to see in the nest. I live in the northern part of Los Angeles.

(3 комментарий)

18 апреля 2023

A narcissist not only breaks your heart. They break your spirit, that's why it takes so long to heal.

(5 комментарий)

13 апреля 2023

Dear K.... I'm sorry you felt you need to leave. I decided not to leave a message to you on my Journal but since you left, there is no other way to contact you. As I said, I care about you. I want all the Lord's best for you. So here is what I wanted to private message you.

Thank you for saying that you are sorry if your message of February 12 came across wrong. I took it so hard because I was already down emotionally. Your two comments to my journal after our daughter died, plus your first Private Message were so kind, I really appreciated your support when I was hurting. I'm sorry they have now disappeared.

In your last message of April 2, you said: “ ... everyone has demons we fight every day but the only way to overcome them is to never give up…no matter how hard.” I agree with you. Funny thing is, these are “your” words and they are correct. But the words in the message of February 12 that were "cut and paste" from someplace else, were exactly the opposite saying “You can't win.” I disagree with the person that wrote the article that you took from. Yes, some of it was true but it is too, too discouraging to listen to someone say that you can not win. You disagree with them too. Look at “your” words, they are so much better: “Never give up.” Good for you. There is hope. Hope for you and hope for me. You have kindness in your heart that I saw in your other messages, so I even told myself it sounded like the message of February 12 was written by someone else. And that was absolutely right. You are better than the person that wrote that article.

I'm sorry you sometimes have a bad day or go through difficulties. It is entirely normal to be tempted to turn to food or drink for solace. Me too. When it is the hardest for me is when my husband raises his voice and is negative, which is almost every day. It takes a lot of discipline for anyone to say no to themselves. Our past does affect us a lot. Most of us have some kind of difficulties in our lives, and I think things in the world are going to get worse. You did say at the end of the message to trust in the Lord. Is that what you do? Please don't stop communicating with me. Since you say to trust in the Lord, and “God bless,” maybe you can encourage me with your relationship with Him. What is your walk with the Lord like?
Yours truly, J

(1 комментарий)

01 апреля 2023

Happy April Fools Day

Вес:	Потеряно до сих пор:	Еще предстоит сделать:	Следовательность диеты:
59,0 кг	0 кг	4,5 кг	Достаточно Хорошо

(4 комментарий) Набралось 0,1 кг за Неделю

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