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My husband is in the hospital with Sepsis, an infection that has traveled to the blood. His particular danger is that he has a lining in his Aorta in his abdomen and his Carotid artery from 2 aneurysms (a balloon) repair surgery 7 years ago. Typically an infection in the blood goes right to those linings, settles there, and you never get rid of it. They have called in a vascular surgeon to evaluate surgery to replace them, but that is not an option. He is 84 with heart failure and not a candidate for surgery. He also has COPD, Emphysema, sleep apnea, kidney disease, high blood pressure, had 6 TIA's in October and November, has memory loss, etc, etc. etc.
Today they are doing CT scans. This is his 5th day in the hospital and of course, I can't go in to see him. He is used to me being and staying with him in the hospital. This is the 4th time he has been in the hospital in 9 months. For anyone that reads this and is a praying person, I would ask you to please pray for him, especially for his salvation. I want Heaven for him more than anything.
Next month we will have been married for 59 years, and I'm very emotionally dependent on him. We are loners, mostly by his choice so don't have much of a support system. I don't visit my sister because of the Corona Virus and the distance. She got out of a nursing home since the virus started. His sisters are gone. Our daughter lives the next state over and has stage 4 cancer. Our son was killed by a drunk driver at 20.
Of course, I am scared of being alone with this bad back of mine. I know the Lord will sustain me, but I'm still scared of the emotional pain. The last time I wrote I mentioned my husband went to the store and wouldn't wash his hands. It sounded like he went shopping for me. No, he was just tagging along with me. I so appreciate the support and prayers given. The one individual that said to get rid of the jerk doesn't understand how old he is or disabled at this point in our lives. And of course, how could they if they didn't read previous journals of mine. Yes, he can be a jerk, and worse, but I love him and am dedicated to finishing my course with honor. I promised, “for better or worse”. Those promises don't mean much to everyone. I picked him, that was my mistake. And no, he doesn't hit me.
If I was a “better” person, and more mature, I would have handled our problems better. I have been very co-dependent. Now, I am just trying to finish my course and practice forgiveness. Even in the Lord's Prayer, we ask the Lord to forgive us our debts, “as” we forgive our debtors. He forgave me much more than any forgiveness I need to give another. Ephesians 4:32 instructs us: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you. I work at that. Thank you for your prayers.
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