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08 августа 2024

Good morning FS friends,

Took the bull by the horns, order of service is now set (pending a meeting with the Pastor on Friday). Piper has been hired. There is now structure and a level of formality to the event that I'm more comfortable with. By Sunday morning, this part of the journey will be in the rearview.

Saw my doc yesterday as I need full bloodwork to look at what markers might have changed. Would love to get off statins, but looks like I'm stuck with blood pressure meds despite the 100lb + loss. Definately genetic as mom was skinny, tiny and on BP meds from her mid 40's onward. Oh well. At least pressure is now normal. Talked about goal weight. He thinks I'm already there given my musculature and shoulder width. Says my belly is more skin than anything else. Personally I don't think so as it feels like a squishy thing yet. I guess I was under the impression that loose skin would be thinner and looser. Perhaps someone who has been in my shoes can elaborate?

He has referred me for an MRI to get a view into whether the nerve impingement that is affecting my feet is sourced from the knees/hips or spine. Not sure how that would work as I have metal bands/screws and a prosthetic hip. Hmm. Don't have to think about this anytime soon as the MRI backlogs are long. He did indicate though that given the potential of permanent nerve damage if the underlying issue is not resolved, that it may happen sooner than a year or two from now.

One thing I will say. Life is so full of twists and turns. Just when I thought I'd gained back mobility, poof, gone again. Need to keep in my had to have the grace to accept the things I cannot change, and change the things that I can. Learn. Grow. Adapt.

Over and out

(4 комментарий)

07 августа 2024

Good morning FS friends

Memorial is coming up fast and furious. Decided to no longer sit on the sidelines and hope that they have done what needs doing as originally they indicated that they would own the process. Called the lead, and found out that the only thing done partially is the eulogy. Aaaargh. So I prepared the framework for the service, sent it to the sons, now just looking for the input from them. Tried to set up a Zoom call to do the walk through to no avail. Am meeting with the pastor at the venue on Friday. Failing getting any input from them, I'll just move ahead and take the decisions on Thursday. Frustrating, but so it goes. Last thing I'll need to do to close off this chapter of my life with John. Not that there won't be an ongoing of journey of grief, but it will be the last act of love. So be it. Have also learned that my ability to be a follower of a leader that isn't leading is not possible. Likely partially a result of being an only child and later in my life, part of a dynamic, collaborative senior management team that actually set priorities and together we got some pretty amazing things created and achieved.

Communication is not his family's strong suit. Could be so much simpler/easier were it so.

As to food, haven't logged as every time I've tried to do so, the system is undergoing maintenance. No odds, haven't gone off the rails other than protein consumption isn't where it should be. Am leaning into cravings for cold pineapple, strawberries, cherries and watermelon. Carb high, but the body wants these things at the moment. I figure, that at least it's not cake, candy, cookies and ice cream. (a big win actually given my past addiction to these things)

Heading outside to carry on with my yard work and burn off some frustration. Busy afternoon, with a What is Grief workshop followed by my annual doctors appointment. Want to review with him what is a reasonable goal weight. The one I'd set was arbitrary and put me in mid range normal BMI. Although my waist has shrunk by 16 inches, it is still larger than it should be according to the charts. Dang menopause. Also need to figure out the left drop foot thing, so hopefully he'll have some results from the xrays and we can go from there. At physio yesterday, happy to report there is now the slightest most miniscule of movement and my three middle toes are no longer void of feeling. Minute progress, but progress nonetheless.

And so it goes. Another day to get through.

Over and out

(2 комментарий)

05 августа 2024

Good afternoon FS Friends,

Not sure why the weight gain. Think my body is still adjusting to the abnormal rate of loss after John's passing. Have worked like a beast outside the past few days and so much more to do. Loving it though. Making plans for fall transplants, water garden and the myriad of things I want to achieve in the months/years to come.

As to the weight, maybe a plateau. Not particularly concerned about it though. Will buckle down and back to the gym after the memorial is over and people have gone home.

Speaking of the memorial, the plans are still loosey goosey as the lead is failing to communicate. I've sent a ream of questions as well as as task list of "to dos' and "to gets" today. Did something similar 5 days ago via email. Crickets. Hearing nothing. Yes, they lost their father and are grieving. But then so am I.

Today would have been our 19th anniversary as a couple (albeit with many twists and turns, on and offs along the way)

I'm starting to suspect that the expectation is that I'll handle this memorial logistically and financially. Not a great plan as I remain a mush brain. There are 40+ of them. Me? 1 friend coming the night before and 2 possibly 3 neighbours.

Rock and a hard place when you want to honour our lost loved one properly.

Over and out

(2 комментарий)

05 августа 2024

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03 августа 2024

Good morning FS friends

It was a productive day yesterday. Slight drizzle made for easy weed pulling but still have much to do. On a normal year this would not be an issue as I tend to get them yanked when they're small, but this has been far from a normal year. Have changed my mind about building a pond as that would be impractical given the lack of a power source to a pump that would be needed. Thought about solar powered as an option, but the area where it would go is a bit too shaded.

So plan B will be to put in 2 rain gardens instead to hold overflow water that keeps draining from my neighbours property and into my outbuilding. My shed collapsed as a result last year, and the outbuilding foundations had started to crumble (thank you John for repouring them last summer) Since that neighbour passed away a couple of years ago, his children are never here, the property isn't maintained. My original neighbour and I had plans to address the drainage issue but he's gone so need to figure out my own strategy. Unfortunately with their property not being maintained, I get the benefit of all of their weed seeds which is another contributor to my own weed problem. No solving that one any time soon. Just hope that they sell it to a responsible person someday.

Oh well...so it goes. Lots of digging ahead, but once done, the rain garden set up, there will be a pollinator habitat in the years to come that will help divert the water from my outbuilding. Once it has proven to work, I'll have the outbuilding floor repoured as the current one due to water intrusion has cracked and sunk.

One thing is certain. Life is never dull with one challenge or another. Certainly an exercise in lifelong learning.

Over and out

(4 комментарий)

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