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Good morning FS friends
What a rollercoaster this journey is. Yesterday was a good day, the day prior not so much. Being a long weekend here in Canada, the parkway was active, many parties along the way. Here. Quiet. Nobody. Nothing. I am struggling with a need to see people, yet on the other hand be alone.
Sunday I had to get out. Went to a nursery where Canada Day long weekend all stock goes on sale. A couple of years ago John was with me and we filled the truck bed with heavily discounted trees and shrubs. This year nothing. Sorrow. Then went next door to Home Depot. What a mistake that was. John being a big man, had tools that were too unwieldy for me so I sent them off with his sons a couple of weeks ago. I have girly tools but needed some beefier ones. There I stood in the tool section and had a total meltdown bawling my eyes out. In our 19 year history John and I had fully renovated one home (which was to be our marital home), and worked on 3 others. From lumberyards to stoneyards and big box DIY stores, we had been to these together thousands of times. Should have known it would be a trigger. All that being said, I did get what I needed and started my first project yesterday.
When John was passing, he did so near a large woodholder by the side of my driveway that he' built to hold our fireplace and firepit wood. The side of the woodholder was raw plywood. On the morning of his cremation at 7AM, his youngest son was here. We were sitting on the front patio near the site, had poured 3 cups of coffee, 3 shots of Navy Rum and shared stories. At about 8 AM, we mounted an antique door knocker that I had bought for John 15 years ago for the live aboard boat he was going to get. He brought it back to me a couple of years ago, so this spring I gussied it up readied it for mounting on my front door. Instead his son and I mounted it on the raw ply at the side of the woodholder, poured his coffee and rum at the site. Knock three times has become my thing now and is a daily thing when I first go outside or leave/come home. It also serves as a rememberance for his family and friends when they come here. His blood is soaked into the ground there and so it seemed fitting.
Yesterday I decided the memorial site needed to be prettied up, so using scrap wood and my new tools and some leftover paint, I did exactly that. Is it John calibre work? No but it made me feel better. A bit more stonework to do and it will be done.
Still no appetite but eating anyways as there is much physical yardwork to be done.
And so it goes.
Over and out
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1229 ккал
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Жир: 41,23г | Белк: 62,34г | Углев: 162,13г.
Завтрак: GNC Wheybolic Classic Vanilla, Orgain Organic Protein Plant Based Protein Powder Creamy Chocolate Fudge. Обед: Honey, Peanut Butter, Dempster's Whole Grains Tortillas, Strawberries. Ужин: Habitant Traditional Minestrone Soup, Dr. Oetker Ristorante Spinaci Pizza. Перекус/Другое: Pineapple. подробнее ...
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 Комментария
I would feel the same in your situation. It's a huge loss to be deprived of your significant other. I assume I will go through the same thing. I have no relatives here or anywhere really and all of my friends moved away. I'm glad to see you starting a project. You must be very handy. Hugs.
02 июл 24 написано членом: -MorticiaAddams
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Not at all handy Morticia, but smart enough to learn new things. I was good at the scut work...stripping wallpaper, taping mudding and sanding drywall, painting, grouting. But the builder kind of stuff...carrying lumber is where I stopped. Have a healthy respect for power tools (especially ones that cut) so have largely avoided them. As to your current situation, should the unthinkable happen, just know that I'm here for you and if you are at the point you want to escape, mine is a lovely place to do just so. Hugs sister.
02 июл 24 написано членом: Annisworkingonit
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I'm sorry for your sorrow, but it sounds like you were where you needed to be and did exactly what you needed to do. My husband and I garden a lot together, and do home projects (he too is the heavy lifter). if I were to lose him, I would be devastated, but I think I would feel close to him to continue on doing what we both loved. The next time I see a door knocker, I'll knock 3 times and send healing vibes your way. I live in NH, so with a little wind they may make their way to Canada. Hugs.
02 июл 24 написано членом: BadJujugurl
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Thank you Juju. Every time I do it I start singing the song in my head. Healing vibes gratefully accepted.
02 июл 24 написано членом: Annisworkingonit
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