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06 июля 2024

Good morning FS friends

The rest of yesterday was busy. Once the electrician left I headed out to pay the plumbing bill. From there off to the pharmacy to pick up BP meds, but my GP hadn't refilled the prescription. Thankfully the pharmacist fronted me enough for another 6 days. Showed him my infected shin which I bashed the day John passed. Don't ask me how as that part of things is a blur. Our pharmacists can prescribe meds for certain conditions but in this case he couldn't. So off to the walk in clinic. 2.5 hrs later, yup infection, so started on a course of antibiotics for a week.

My hope is that resolving that will help the left foot which has now developed drop foot as well. Odds are though that in the flurry of movement that happened when John was passing, I moved in inapproprite ways that were bad for my prosthetic hip and injured myself. Physio is now working on both feet/legs and am doing the exercses for both as well. The good news is that the right foot is improved. Kind of pisses me off though as I'd finally regained full mobility and wham. Now I walk like a gimpy show pony.

So today marks 21 days since the unfortunate event. The morning is equally sunny and gorgeous as it was on that day. Still cannot grasp the reality and part of me expects his truck to come driving in, yet his ashes are here with me in the river room. Such a mental disconnect.

Next week I have an intake interview with a psychologist specialising in trauma and bereavement. My hope is that he accepts me as a patient and that come fall he allows me to participate in a one of the many grief groups that he leads.

Meanwhile, one interminable day at a time.

Thank you for your support guys. Knowing I'm not an abandoned island in the middle of a great big ocean does help. Particular thanks to YOH, Morticia and Shelo.

Over and out

(2 комментарий)

05 июля 2024

Good afternoon FS friends

Concert last night was OK. 3 opening acts before the main. Not entirely my cup of tea but it was an outing. Left part way through the main act as I was pooped. Have now mostly slept 2 nights without sleep aids. (yay)

Am tending to some home maintenance matters. Plumber was here 2 days ago as 3 of the 4 taps in the main bathroom upstairs had seized. (original 1933 taps). I use the basement shower or the Jacuzzi in the spa room. Only guests ever use the main. Now all taps are working again. Today the apprentice electrician was here as the power kept surging in my grooming room. Working under disco light conditions with a clipper that would keep cycling speed was rather frustrating. He also moved an outlet in the mudroom as the original install was in the stupidest of places. Anything you plugged in would block the door. Both fixed now. Power outlets in a 1933 house are at a premium so usable is kind of important.

Had a meltdown though. Since it's hot out I'm puttering inside. Got the dreaded kitchen junk drawer sorted out. Lot's of stuff in there that made no sense at all (thanks John) Once that was done, thought to start wiping grimy fingerprints from the kitchen cabinets as well as fridge/freezer. It dawned on me that these prints were not mine and that the person that had left them would never be leaving them again. Poor electricion was witness to the meltdown. Nice kid. Very kind. Has a bright future.

Massage was fabulous. I left there feeling like a great weight had been lifted. She appreciated the orchid as well. Will book another session in 3 or 4 weeks.

And so it goes. One foot in front of the next.

Over and out

(4 комментарий)

04 июля 2024

Good morning FS friends

Still muddling along. It is a beautiful morning, the sun is rising with the mist floating on the Mighty Niagara River. Can barely see Grand Island NY. Slept OK last night without the sleep aid. There is a correlation between physical output and sleep quality for sure. More physical work needed to get a solid night in.

Have decided to indulge in some self care. Am seeing a RMT today as I have knots in places I didn't even know could get knots. The visit is dual purpose. John had a fair bit of back pain in the weeks prior to his passing. This was normal for him as a tall man at 6'6", having done hard pysical labout in his teens, he regularly saw a chiropracter in days gone by. Trouble was that the chiro was in Toronto so he was not able to drive the distance comfortably. We had found a RMT in the Niagara region that was able to provide relief. He intended to take her an orchid plant as thanks for the relief provided but didn't survive long enough to complete that task. I will do so today. Two birds, one stone.

Tonight, off to another comp casino concert to see the band Asia. A concert and my friend is a good combination for grief relief.

Over and out

(4 комментарий)

03 июля 2024

Good morning FS friends

Not a bad day yesterday. Went to physio for the right drop foot issue. It is progressing nicely. On the down side, the day John died, I don't know whether I tried to catch him, or whether it was a case of once he was down I went to ground or rose from ground repeatedly in a way that was not appropriate for a prosthetic hip. Voila, I now have drop foot of the left foot as well. Bah. Walking like a show pony with a high step at the moment. Hip not happy with the hopefully temporary gait adjustment. Physio will work on that leg as well given the positive response of the right. Just want to get back to a point where walking is not something I have to think about each and every step.

On the good news front,
Had to get some clothes yesterday so went to Walmart and checked out their clearance racks. Am now a comfortable Size 10 pant. Haven't been a size 10 anything since my early teens. Were it not for the menopausal belly that is refusing to yield, it would likely be a bit smaller. These last 14 lbs is all in the belly now.

I really went into Wally's to look for shorts. Not the slinky ones. Good structured working shorts. Didn't find any. Came home, started packing up more of John's clothes and voila - structured working shorts. Tried them on. They fit just fine and are exactly what I was looking for. Thank you John!

The other NSV was also at Walmart. Went to the pharmacy and did the blood pressure and weight/BMI reading at their kiosk. BP 98/54 pulse 62.. weight with running shoes and clothes 156, normal BMI. Normal? Mind boggling. Might get off that half dose of BP meds soon. Fingers crossed.

And so my weight loss jourrney continues. There is no doubt that I will need skin removal surgery, now the challenge is who will be my post op caregiver? John was slated to be that person. Need to rethink the post op period. Quite a while to wait anyways as once I hit goal, I want to maintain for at least 6 months before considering the surgery. Despite my age, my skin has been relatively reslient in places, but others like upper arms and belly and the hip/thigh they had to cut through to do the acetabulum repair and subsequent hip replacement. Not so much. Fugly actually.

My life goes on despite losing a big contributor to the quality of it.

Over and out

(1 комментарий)

02 июля 2024

Good morning FS friends

What a rollercoaster this journey is. Yesterday was a good day, the day prior not so much. Being a long weekend here in Canada, the parkway was active, many parties along the way. Here. Quiet. Nobody. Nothing. I am struggling with a need to see people, yet on the other hand be alone.

Sunday I had to get out. Went to a nursery where Canada Day long weekend all stock goes on sale. A couple of years ago John was with me and we filled the truck bed with heavily discounted trees and shrubs. This year nothing. Sorrow. Then went next door to Home Depot. What a mistake that was. John being a big man, had tools that were too unwieldy for me so I sent them off with his sons a couple of weeks ago. I have girly tools but needed some beefier ones. There I stood in the tool section and had a total meltdown bawling my eyes out. In our 19 year history John and I had fully renovated one home (which was to be our marital home), and worked on 3 others. From lumberyards to stoneyards and big box DIY stores, we had been to these together thousands of times. Should have known it would be a trigger. All that being said, I did get what I needed and started my first project yesterday.

When John was passing, he did so near a large woodholder by the side of my driveway that he' built to hold our fireplace and firepit wood. The side of the woodholder was raw plywood. On the morning of his cremation at 7AM, his youngest son was here. We were sitting on the front patio near the site, had poured 3 cups of coffee, 3 shots of Navy Rum and shared stories. At about 8 AM, we mounted an antique door knocker that I had bought for John 15 years ago for the live aboard boat he was going to get. He brought it back to me a couple of years ago, so this spring I gussied it up readied it for mounting on my front door. Instead his son and I mounted it on the raw ply at the side of the woodholder, poured his coffee and rum at the site. Knock three times has become my thing now and is a daily thing when I first go outside or leave/come home. It also serves as a rememberance for his family and friends when they come here. His blood is soaked into the ground there and so it seemed fitting.

Yesterday I decided the memorial site needed to be prettied up, so using scrap wood and my new tools and some leftover paint, I did exactly that. Is it John calibre work? No but it made me feel better. A bit more stonework to do and it will be done.

Still no appetite but eating anyways as there is much physical yardwork to be done.

And so it goes.

Over and out

(4 комментарий)

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