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Good evening FS friends
I am well and truly lost. With his sons here on and off last week clearing out his tools and things, and me digging up paperwork related to his assets, there was purpose and hustle. This week I'm faced with the awful awful void.
The hardest part of this is waiting for the phone to ring. Boy did I take that for granted. When he was at his own home, he'd call me once if not twice a day as he was going through a Tim's drive through and on his way to have his coffee down in a park next to Lake Ontario. When he was heading home from work whether coming here or going to his own home at the other end of Toronto, he'd call and we'd chat most of the way.
Even when he was staying here and out running errands, he'd check in to see if something needed to be picked up. It's not as if these were deep conversations by any stretch, but so important as we were connected whether together or apart. My phone is horribly silent now.
I don't know what's next. I'm lost. I've walked this path before, but at the time I was working, had a decent sized social circle, a mom that needed my attention. There were distractions. None of this exists now. There isn't a place here by my beloved Mighty Niagara River that I don't see him, work he has done. He's everywhere. A couple of days ago, I wandered over to a neighbours thinking that I'd find solace in the company of other human beings. Nope. I'd fogotten that a couple of years ago, John helped the man of the house build a ramp to their entry door as she was going to have surgery, would be using a walker for a while and needed to be able to access the house. Yup, that wood was John's the lag bolts were John's, the construction was 90% John's. Man. It hurt as I walked up that ramp.
And so I continue, one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
Am planning and logging my food plan, but must admit that I'm not eating as I should. This will change and I hope and pray that I don't revert to old behavious of using food as solace and comfort. Food to numb.
Need to find equilibrium.
Over and out
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437 ккал
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Жир: 7,66г | Белк: 34,34г | Углев: 61,98г.
Завтрак: GNC Wheybolic Classic Vanilla, Orgain Organic Protein Plant Based Protein Powder Creamy Chocolate Fudge. Обед: Gatorade G2 Perform 02 - Grape (20 oz). Ужин: Pummelo. Перекус/Другое: Lactantia 18% Table Cream. подробнее ...
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