This journal entry finds me both at a plateau in weight loss and a period of trauma that, in the past, would have paralyzed me. The two are not related at the moment. They just happen to coincide in a way that could sideline me if I let negative habits of the past pacify the emotional discomfort I feel from anxiety.
In this instance, I've lost a great deal of weight very quickly. My body responded amazingly to eating very well, exercise geared toward fat burning while not stressing my joints or body to the point of stopping my progress through injury. I am enormously happy. I am on the verge of a huge breakthrough into a healthier "category" of health after a few pounds go away especially if those are fat.
The inches have melted off while I feel muscle and see it returning. It's this change that is allowing me to step over the malaise the could have gripped me in the past. It is the energy I have every day that lifts me over the darkness. It's the better sleep from a body pushed by my workout to need recovery. It's not feeling fatigued by activity that wore me out before. In other words, it is the very goals I had when I began my new way of life that help me through this valley.
Please, if anyone reads this, know that the valleys are so real. I get it. My mom died a little over a year ago, and my personal life hit a low recently that left me quietly sobbing to her in the darkness of night that this is the first time I needed her consolation and wisdom as I navigated how to deal with the profound devastation. I may have her wisdom and love in me, but I need her in person. The loneliness could terrify me if I didn't stick to what I know rather than what my emotions tell me.
Instead of immobility and comfort food or no food, I'm escalating my weight training reps, hitting a higher BPM in mat cardio for a longer period of time, and making sure not to miss my water intake. Today's breakfast was even leaner protein, more fiber, fewer processed carbs, and rich in vitamins. I still have all the chaos, uncertainty, and worry from what is going on for me personally, but I am physically and mentally more prepared to handle what I need to for my family and me.
Cheers to that. I think that would have my mom saying she couldn't do it better if she tried. I feel her smiling at my strength and endurance, so I've posted this smiling picture of her as if she's over my shoulder.
