psykoticdoll- Журнал, 05 апр 18

Today is the day I decided to take my weight and my health seriously. I mean, sure, I decided awhile ago "hey I'd love to lose like 50lbs" but never bothered to get off my arse to do anything about it really. I think a lot of us are like that though - we have to sit there and mentally build strength before going into the weight loss battleground. It's definitely a battleground for me.

There was a time where I was unemployed and had more hours in the day to myself where I did P90X everyday for 2 months and dropped from 170lbs to 136lbs. I was so proud to be there and loved the way I looked but due to life circumstances and probably for my mental health I had to go to work full time and that was 10 years ago and now here I am. I love my job and wouldn't trade it for anything except maybe more time to workout, that would be nice.

I plateaued for a long time around 165lbs. I'm 5'5-1/2" and large framed and body builded for a lot of years so I was actually around a size 9-10 which I was happy with but then I was put on a medication that nobody warned me had a significant weight gain potential. Yeaaaah. Ended up gaining close to 70lbs before I finally got pulled off it because I became at risk for diabetes, etc at 230lbs but it was too late, the damage has been done. I'm in this body now and I'm looking back basically saying what happened?

My weaknesses are a cold Pepsi at the end of a long hard workday and coffee with cream and 2 tablespoons full of sugar except I have a caffeine addiction and that coffee turns into about 8 cups throughout my day which sends my blood sugar to astronomical levels.

So far in 2 days I have not drank ANY pop which is basically like a miracle in the making. I come home from that same hard day at work and drink a coffee and a cold glass of water. I swapped from sugar in coffee to stevia for about a month now and have seen a definite change in my clothes and loss of at least an inch just in that little change but I knew I had to step it up.

My friends don't want to hear about my weight loss/healthy eating journey. Not that they don't care, of course they do, but they're just simply sick and tired of hearing about it when they have no interest in doing it themselves which I've been there so I get it and that's mainly why I signed up here was to find support with others who are on the same journey I am who want to share their stories and inspiration since I'm basically on my own over here.

I decided to start doing Blogilates (sp maybe?) workouts the 10 min ones today and started. I can barely get through 4 mins of exercise before I'm sweating and breathing like I just ran the Ironman but I know I can work myself up to it. It's a matter of getting my stamina back. I'm going to be doing Zumba twice a week starting Mon. I'm also carefully counting my calories and forcing myself to be accountable by staring at the foods I actually have consumed and their calorie contents.

I'm hoping to lose 2-3 lbs a week at this point but honestly right now I don't even own a scale - that's on the list too so 220 may not even be accurate. At the moment I'm wearing size 16 pants and XL shirts so I know that much. About a month ago I was wearing size 18 and a 1XL so I know just cutting out that sugar in my coffee has made a big difference and I'm hoping this makes more of one.

I still have a lot of cravings but I know eventually they do pass. Right now it's chocolate and chips I just want a giant mountain of them where I can dunk my entire head in and off I go but then I tell myself we're not going down this road again. Healthy weight feels better then chocolate and chips. I won't even call it a "skinny" weight because what really is "skinny" weight? Shouldn't it be a healthy or unhealthy weight? Just my opinion - don't rake me over hot coals if you read this and disagree with me, lol.

Anyways - I'll probably be writing in here everyday while I try to motivate myself especially in the first few weeks since this is basically just me talking to myself which is kind of cool. I get to say all the things nobody around me wants to listen to anymore, woot.

Goodnight.

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