Hello myself, friends and followers!
TRIGGER WARNING - SEXUAL ABUSE
This photo was taken when I was around 12-13. I thought I was SO FAT. Why? Why did I think I was fat? I compared myself to friends and the rest of the school kids my age, and I don't think I was any larger than them. I know I didn't have the money to dress in the latest clothes and my childhood religion and parents were pretty strict on modesty as determined by dad. I now wonder if covering up my body helped create the mindset that I SHOULD cover up my body? I don't know. As I grew older, and developed more curves, things got even worse.
TRIGGER WARNING*****SKIP****
Now, I'm going to share that I was sexually molested between the ages of 11 and 13 by a next door neighbor who terrorized me. I will NOT go into it here, but suffice it to say, I do believe that has affected me and my body image. So between being taught to cover up as a developing child, and being molested at such a young age - well, gaining weight was a kind of protection from attention.
END TRIGGER WARNING*****START READING AGAIN*****
I had a fairly normal weight through graduation, met my childhood sweetheart and future husband, but started to slowly gain weight (my shield) in my late 20s. By the time I was in my mid-forties (giving birth, staying home) I had gained to my highest weight of 346 pounds.
Anyway, finding this picture and seeing myself all those years ago, a normal weight person, healthy, active. I want to know WHY WHY WHY I gained all that weight!
Rant over!
Good stuff: I "handled" things in my past and at the age of 63, I can say I have come to terms and resolved any past trauma. And now that I have done that, it seems I'm ready to shed this weight - my shield against the world - and rejoin it on my terms.
Have a truly good evening, live well, love well and most of all - love yourself because you ARE enough.
First pic: me at 11, 12 or 13...
Red shirt pic: me at 345 :(
Face pic: me 2023
