e-238- Журнал, 13 май 23

So I haven't been trying to manage my weight or eating for the last couple of months. Stress between trying to sell the place, moving in and dealing with housemates/owners has been very difficult to say the least. Add to that that my husband is now overseas (has been for almost 3 months and we're applying for my visa (and trying to get the cats ok'd and processed to move with me overseas) well, it sounds like a lot of excuses.
They aren't. They are reasons though.
Reasons why I have been binge eating (also not feeling comfortable outside of my rented room in the house) and yea. it's been a not great situation. The rent for the room is far cheaper than I could get if I had to rent a 1 bedroom apt in the area, and I know from looking that finding a landlord who will let me have 4 cats is just about impossible. So it's a situation I have to cope with until things move forward and work themselves out.I am extremely uncomfortable with my weight gain (I can tell by the way my bra fits and how the bones in my wrist are not as definied that I did put weight on. (I'm assuming I'm on the far side of the 180's but until I get the balls to go weigh myself in town I won't know for sure. I may try to do that on monday am).

With that in mind I had a moment of clarity about 3 weeks ago.
Yes I can continue to eat and balloon back to my old weight (which is also depressing because it took such a long, long time to hit the 170's and I know they are gone now. I'm lucky if I'm not in the 190's now) BUT, even having said that, and realizing my situation I can do something about it even if it's not much.

I started going for a walk every day (rain or shine. I prefer rain) and started at about .5 of a mile per day. I know it doesn't sound like much. (I am so sedentary I could be mistaken for a rock!),

But was good for two things: 1) it got me out of the house and away from a quasi-toxic situation (and away from food I could take back to my room to eat), and two it got my rear moving (which surely as an overweight diabetic that can't be a bad thing).

I kept pushing myself after that day to try to go farther or at least walk longer each day or so. I have fibromyalgia and there are some days I can't do as many circuits of the nature walk as I'd like but I'm still a believer in the something is better than nothing school.

Last week I broke 3 miles a day and I felt really good about that (to be fair my body is ok with most of it though my knees hurt like bastards when I now go up or down stairs--probably age related though).

Today I broke 4.5 miles.
Again, I know it doesn't sound like much (and I have to soak my feet because they ache) but I feel like it's a move in the right direction.

Anyway, I need to be brave and face the scale soon. I just don't feel ready yet to face the numbers it will tell me.

But anyway, about the

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