8hunter6- Журнал, 16 ноя 16

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Ok here's what's been going on.
I didn't want to do this anymore. I got tired of weighing my food... not having this or not having that... tired of making cookies for my family and only being able to smell them... tired of it all.... the loose skin was freaking me out, I have my grandma's chin waddle now.... started making me wonder if losing weight wpuld be worth looking like melted silly putty (obviously I let myself think this to justify eating cake).....

I was down to 198.8..... I got back up to 215 if I'm going to be honest here..... how stupid eh? do all that work only to shove my face full of baked good pretending I "deserve" a treat... lol treat.... you know something you should only have once in a while.... not every damn day like an idiot.

anyhoo... once I woke up out of a sugar trance I figured I should atleast maintain my weight if not lose... started working out more... started liking it. have actually been using my fitness tracker (a misfit if anyone wants to know)....
for the most part I've been reaching my goals.. if not it's because it can't track doing weights....

then I started not eating as much but still stupid things.....

yesterday I came here... I logged my food... today I've logged my food.... and I'll be posting my new weight... I went down from 215 to 209.2...

I feel stupid. but I also feel absolutely disgusted with myself... if I feel this bad gaining a little back... I can't imagine how horrible I'd feel if I gained it all back... so... I am not making promises ... because I can't handle any more shame... but I'm here....

unfortunately part of the reason I wasn't on here was the past drama... I'm not interested in fights, never was..... so I won't be reading any political crap either..

I'm tired of feeling sh!!!y.. emotionally, about my surroundings, about my jiggling, my skin, my everything....

I felt good before... sure I had cramping but I know what to do now.... I want to look in the mirror again and know I'm doing the best I can... not avoid looking in my own eyes because I was lying to myself.

so..... good news...... I can go one the elliptical for 45 mins without being out of breath..... I can use my exercise bike for 30 mins before the seat hurts my ass..... I can bike on my normal bike with my son for tops 1.5 hours before a poopy diaper required that I go home lol....
weights... well... only little 5-10 pounds but it's something....
weight machine I can put it on the 3rd one but I have no idea what that equals out to.
I still enjoy yoga and did a head stand for the first time in my life and held it for 20 seconds.
I don't seem to need much help with things anymore....

my back still hurts and I was taking 1 pain pill a day but I'm kicking them out, and alcohol, and smoking and vaping.... I'm on day 3 of that... it's been hard but I could feel my addictive personality dragging me back.... so I won't have any of it ..... works out cause husband dropped and broke my 130 dollar vape, I took it as a sign lol

so here I go again... hope I don't wimp out again like a whiney little baby and cry over god damned cookies....

don't wish me luck.... wish me determination.. or nothing at all.... I feel like I failed many of you and don't deserve the support... and that's ok because I need to do this for myself, not for anyone else.

hugs to all regardless.... I've missed many of you and have thought of you...

- Hunter

94,9 кг Потеряно до сих пор: 30,2 кг. Еще предстоит сделать: 4,2 кг. Следовательность диеты: Достаточно Хорошо.

Просмотреть Диетический Календарь, 16 ноября 2016:

1119 ккал

Жир: 79,62г | Белк: 51,49г | Углев: 47,78г. Завтрак: Rotini, Sargento Mozzarella Cheese Stick, Coffee (Brewed From Grounds), Land O'Lakes Heavy Whipping Cream. Ужин: Heinz Tomato Ketchup, Great Value Fancy Colby & Monterey Jack Cheese Shredded, Kerrygold Pure Irish Butter, Egg. Перекус/Другое: Harris Teeter Lightly Salted Mixed Nuts, International Delight Sugar Free French Vanilla Coffee Creamer, Harris Teeter Blueberries, Breyers CarbSmart Chocolate Ice Cream. подробнее ...

2836 ккал

Упражнение: Велотренажёр - 30 минуты, Ходьба (Упражнения) - 5.5 км/ч - 38 минуты, Отдыхать - 14 часа и 52 минуты, Спать - 8 часа. подробнее ...

Набралось 0,4 кг за Неделю

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Комментария

I just ment I won't get involved... I see too much on my facebook already lol... but sweet suzy I don't think you are capable of bothering me :) you are always a sweetheart.

16 ноя 16 написано членом: 8hunter6

I miss her too! well ... I'm gonna try and just get back into the groove of doing my thing, logging food, and playing the numbers game with carbs and calories in and out and see what happens....... thank you, it was my Halloween costume. .. I don't usually wear make up but I thought it turned out pretty cool

16 ноя 16 написано членом: 8hunter6

Welcome back Hunter...you've always added more than you've taken here. Take care!!

16 ноя 16 написано членом: Steven Lloyd

thank you suzy and thank you Steven you've always been kind :D

16 ноя 16 написано членом: 8hunter6

Hunter!!!!!! Welcome back! I've missed you here! My weight chart is one big zig zag. I think doing it that way has helped me to not go crazy from this, and I think it has helped my body to adjust and to develop new set points on the way down. I think it has had a somewhat protective effect on my metabolism. There have been time periods when I just wasn't able to do the dieting thing and put a bit back on or fluctuated because I was overwhelmed with work/illness/other stress. And then when I was ready again, I came back to dieting and drove the weight down some more. That's worked for me, and I don't think it's a failure that I've taken some time off along the way. I don't think you should feel like a failure for taking some time and bumping your weight up a bit before driving it back down. There's nothing wrong with that approach! You are now at 209, only 1 pound more than I was when I started. I'm at 138 now and much happier about my weight. I took my time, but I'm here now. So take the time you need to do it your way! That's a good thing! Hugs! Can't wait for Little Man updates.

17 ноя 16 написано членом: kpwcalories

i cant say im glad to see you back ..because that means your here like me trying to find the support you need to stick to being motivated to work the weight off once again...i did miss reading your journals ..they inspired me...yes its a rough road to do everyday..but one thats well worth sticking to...means changing from old habits of just doing what you want when you want an changing into new healthy habits that mean eating healthier and exercising to work off what the hand or hands decide to put in the mouth...sometimes we had to mess up to realize where we was before we can refocus on what we set out to do...glad to see you are happier when you figured out what you set out to accomplish...WELCOME BACK...we all missed you

17 ноя 16 написано членом: wannabhealthier

Throws a bag of determination your way.....opps...sorry it was so heavy ;). Glad that you are back :)

17 ноя 16 написано членом: schmetterlinge34

I went through a similar situation. Justifying my bad habits. I gained 10 pounds. My doctor asked me "what happened"? I'm back on the wagon also. Good luck to you Hunter.

17 ноя 16 написано членом: shanice

Welcome back, buddy! Nice to see you're "back in the saddle again." Let's do this, damnit! :)

17 ноя 16 написано членом: skydiverjim

Well hopefully I can lose fast like I did last time in the beginning lol maybe it would make my fall off the wagon worth it ha ha ha ... although I did make some killer pumpkin pie that's hard to regret lmao!