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30 июля 2007
I had an epiphany this morning. I realized that I go all day and do just fine, I don't want to eat, or don't perseverate about what's in the kitchen to eat. But come evening, after dinner (which means I'm not hungry) I start to obsess about what's in the kitchen that I can eat. I've come to the conclusion that overeating after dinner is a habit with me... like Pavlov's dogs :-) How do I break that nasty, self-destructive habit is the question, isn't it? I havent figured that one out yet. If it wasn't for obsessing about food in the evening I'd be just fine. I'd be able to stick to the plan without any trouble at all. If anyone can suggest strategies on how to break the habit I'm sure open to hearing them.
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29 июля 2007
Well, here I am again... What can you do but get up and try again. I'm looking at my weight history chart and it still says the same thing it did two weeks ago. It looks very lonely over there in the corner, unused :-) I'm bigger than this. I can do this. If others can do it then so can I. Do I love myself enough to do good things for me instead of only always doing good things for everyone else?
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23 июля 2007
oh, woe is me... weigh-in and I didn't lose anything at all. I knew I might not lose because of where I am in my monthly cycle, but I'm still disappointed.
I must remember to treat myself gently, and with love and respect just as I would a friend in my same situation. I wouldn't rail against a friend, so why do I beat myself up so? Why am I so hard on myself? Whose voice am I hearing inside my head? If I were a friend who had worked to stay true to program all week, and the friend didn't lose anything, I would feel compassion, and empathy, and do all I could to support and encourage. I wouldn't tell her she's a loser and a failure because she didn't lose. Why am I so mean to myself?
It would be easy to give up. I'm not going to do that. It's humiliating not to lose. I feel exposed, and shamed.
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19 июля 2007
well, tomorrow is weigh-in for me. It's the end of the first week. I'm really scared! I'm really afraid that I won't have lost, and that would be so disappointing. I've known so many weight loss failures that I've come to expect them. I KNOW that I shouldn't think that way, but I'm being honest here and I AM scared! I should remember this: "never trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you." Right now I feel like I'm the emotional age of a second grader worrying about a math test... I'm going to work very hard at focusing on the positives in my life instead of all the times I've failed at weight loss.
I went to lunch with my friend today because it was her birthday. I had a crab louie, and a bowl of clam chowder. I had no bread and no dessert. I did very well, good for me :-) Then, for dinner, I had a normal dinner. So why don't I trust myself on the scale tomorrow? I don't know...
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19 июля 2007
I was extra hungry today. I didn't use it as an excuse to eat myself out of house and home like I've done in the past. I did eat more than I normally would, but as I said, I was genuinely hungry, and I made sure that I stuck to eating healthy foods. No chips for me :-) I have a mad passion for anything crunchy-salty, such as chips... I can easily walk away from sugar, but show me a chip and I'm a wanton.
It's interesting to me but I've learned that I can program my mind simply by telling myself the night before, "okay, I was hungry today, but tomorrow I'll be back to normal." And tomorrow I really AM back to normal. The power of our minds is everything.
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