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11 апреля 2018

09 апреля 2018

06 апреля 2018

05 апреля 2018

today I am tired and challenged, I feel like this journey so far has really caused me to go through a ringer of emotions.

I am naturally an empathetic person so I tend to give more of myself than I ever get back, I think I use empathy as a distraction from what I may be going through because if I focus on everyone else I won't have to look at what's wrong with me.

Now with this journey I have to think about myself from what I eat when I go from fast to feast and how am I benefiting my body nutritionally in my 8 hour window and I'm learning and researching everyday to try and fine tune it.
To when I exercise am I doing enough am I pushing myself hard enough am I really even trying?

Then you have the emotional aspect of the journey I am trying to work out what triggers me to binge a problem I have had for years and trying to stop myself in my tracks from doing it being my own personal cheerleader.

The cheerleader part can be exhausting on it's own because gosh damn it's an internal battle, some day's I don't want to eat properly I don't want to exercise I want to do precisely nothing and to crawl under the covers and not have to worry about anything.

that all excludes a full day of work a house to run and a partner who is helpful if pushed to do something but will very seldom take initiative, which leaves me to make sure everything is taken care of while dragging myself and him through the battlefield of resistance.

on day's like today I feel like I am carrying a burden and it's getting heavy and I want to drop it but I can't.

03 апреля 2018



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