kickingcarbs- Журнал, 24 июн 19

I'm so happy that my journey is bringing me back to who I want to be and not who I had to be. At that size, everything I loved I could no longer do and I didnt have the drive to do. Let's be real here. For some people gaining that amount of weight is a form of selfsabatouge. I wont lie, I was so depressed but I knew I didnt want to take my life because it would be devastating to my family. BUT I figured that my health was poor anyway so why not enjoy all the foods I love every single day and if I die from health issues then I die from health issues. At the time I had my family trying to literally feed me till I was happy. Truth be told I hated everyone because it hurt to much at admit I hated myself more. People don't talk about weight gain as a form of trauma survival. But I was sexually abused from 12 to 19. And being that young I came up with a survival plan. No one will WANT me if I'm fat. Guess what it worked. But the problem was after the abuse stopped I had more time to focus on hating myself and how large I was. I had wished they would have just killed me. Since they didnt I tried eating myself to that point. With meds, support groups and counciling I got to the point where I felt SAFE enough to loose the weight. No one could talk me in to it. I had to know that when I lost it I wouldn't be hurt again. Sad part is no one can promise you that. I had to be willing to take the chance to live my life again and if I was put in that situation again I had to find my own empowerment to live. At almost 173 lbs down and only 84 lbs left till my long term goal I can officially say that I have power over my life NOT my PTSD. To all my survivors out there, if I can come back from the this so can you. Reach out, go to groups, hear other peoples stories and know you are not alone and most importantly you are worthy of self love. Until I truly felt that and not just said it I never felt any peace. I wish all of you self love and self empowerment.

119,9 кг Потеряно до сих пор: 80,6 кг.    Еще предстоит сделать: 6,5 кг.    Следовательность диеты: Достаточно Хорошо.