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Does anyone else here hate therapy? It makes me feel narcissistic to sit there for an hour and talk about my anxiety and stress. Anyway, last night, my husband was off, so he asked if he could accompany me. I figured "Well, there's nothing I can't say in front of him, so why not?"
It was so awkward.
It's hard to hear that your husband thinks that you should just get over seventeen years of sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, and that he doesn't understand why you don't just stay in the present. I'M TRYING. THAT'S WHY I'M DOING THIS.
When I admitted that I am afraid to be thin, he looked at me as though I were crazy. I realize that it does indeed sound insane. It made sense in my head though, when I weighed 205 and got stuck there.
I don't revel in the fact that I have PTSD and depression. I don't use my mental illness as a crutch, and it doesn't make anything easier. I work two jobs, even on days when I don't feel like doing anything. Six years ago, I couldn't go two weeks without being sent to the hospital, and medication and shock therapy erased three years of my life and decimated my short-term memory. My parents were trying to decide who would take care of me when they passed away. I decided then that I would get better. I wanted more for myself, and I trusted that God would give me the strength to be well.
Now, I know myself well enough to realize when I am becoming ill. I am medication-free, and have been for over four years. I treat my horse time as time to decompress, and see a counselor on an as-needed basis. I can see the progress I have made thus far, but Chris didn't know me when I was so ill. He has never had to deal with the nightmares and delusions, the days when I refused to get out of bed and the nights when I couldn't sleep.
He wants me to be normal, and I'm really trying. It shouldn't feel this bad to fall just shy of perfectly okay.
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Жир: 73,81г | Белк: 68,49г | Углев: 136,90г.
Завтрак: the greek gods, strawberry mini wheats. Обед: tomato, mayo, chicken, canned. Ужин: Aunt Millie's bread, yellow mustard, Johnsonville Stadium brat. Перекус/Другое: clementine. подробнее ...
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