Snowwhite100- Журнал, 18 май 23

I'm still around but barely. I've wanted to cry for a long time and a couple of days ago it felt like I might start vomiting just from being upset. I'm grieving for my marriage and how nasty and angry he is. I told him today, for the first time in months that I love him and want the best for him. It just made him angry. We got the results from his neurologist yesterday about the report from the therapist. She said he passed the test very well and that he has no mental deficiency. She recommended he see a psychiatrist for any mood or anger problems but he said he didn't have any of those kinds of problems.

I've had no dessert/sweets for 15 days, and no wine/alcohol in 43 days but not losing weight. Giving up bread is the only way I'll be able to lose. I've started going to the local park for senior chair exercises. At 81 and having a painful bad back that's about the best I can do.

I'm still determined to act with love toward my bitter angry husband and do the best I can for his good. He hasn't hit me again recently but is angry and nasty almost daily, but I can't abandon him. It's too late to start over. The Lord carries me and I'm glad to have a roof over my head and food to eat. There is almost no relationship anymore, just a roommate. He was the love of my life. It's just so sad.

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