watchmefade- Журнал, 11 апр 11

All that food and weight is doing lately is making me more and more conlficted. I couldn't even begin to explain how much it all just sucks. I just want to make up my mind for good;
I want so bad to be thin, but I want to be healthy.
And no, for me it doesn't work to be both.
I feel so guilty about my ED lately. It legit makes me feel so BAD, like I'm hurting the ones who love me by hurting myself. But whenever I feel like I've gained, I feel like a fatass failure and it makes me excessively depressed, to the point where I can't even function anymore.
I got a bloodtest done today to check where my vitamin/iron levels are at, and also to check my liver and kidneys; I'm scared as fuck for the results but I find out in 2 days.
I also have an appointment with an ED specialist on Thursday.
I am scared shitless.