p$m- Журнал, 01 июн 20

Happy June FS family!! I hope everyone is doing well and keeping healthy during this time.

I was so happy to see my red line turn yellow/orange today for the first time. So now I know where that mark is!! And happy I've progressed even if it was slow. As much as I didn't want to be very restrictive in my calories, it seems it is the only way to go for me. Admittedly, sometime I had sweets as a bulk of my caloric intake and regretted it; while at other times nothing could soothes my craving except for the sweets so I just tried to be mindful of what I ate. I swing at such extremes from eating like a rodent to a child running wild in a candy store.

I am grateful that during pandemic I've been able to do some exercise everyday without the gym and re-connected with a fellow hiker to join me on the weekend. With her help and talking out some of my eating habits, I found that my out of control standing in front of the refrigerator eating from each shelf methodically was actually me trying to have some kind of control and organization that I've lost during this time. I thought I was just me being out of control but now I know better. I thought I was doing ok with the pandemic but now I can admit to myself that it is taking a more of a toll on me than I thought. I'm more sensitive to the small unhappy changes/ mishaps since I dont have normal life to distract/ empower me. I'm hoping this realization will help me continue to move the yellow/ orange line to green eventually. So for now when I stand in front of the refrigerator (or if I'm lucky before I even get to the kitchen) and consider eating methodically from each shelf, I have the mental conversation that this act is a false sense of control and that I need to sit with myself and take deep breaths and think/ feel what the real issues is.

So I hope everyone struggling like me to this pandemic consciously or subconsciously sit with yourself, take deep breaths and allow yourself to feel whatever it is.

much ❤ to all of you! You are not alone❣

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