peeperjj- Журнал, 20 дек 18

In just over 9 1/2 hours I’ll be 38. Mom wouldn’t let me celebrate until 9:09 am because that’s when I was born. She would call me at that exact time every year after I was on my own. She sometimes called earlier but at 9:09 she would wish me a happy birthday. I haven’t heard her say that since 2012. I don’t mind getting older. I mind that I can’t hear her voice at that time each year. But it’s ok. Usually for some odd reason I’ll look at the clock between 9:05-9:10 and I know she’s nudging me to look at it.

Two years. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. Started chemo 2 years and 8 days ago. Lost my left implant 2 years ago today. Found out I was pregnant with my 2nd baby 11 years ago (and on Christmas Eve I lost her). My birthday is a jumbled emotional day. But I’m here. It’s one more year that I’ve lived cancer free. It’s a day I’ll get a nap no matter what. I’ll get hugs kisses and cuddles which are better than any present save receiving that birthday call.

I plan to eat until I’m sick. I’ll eat whatever I want whenever I want starting in a few hours. Consequences be damned! How much can I really gain today anyway? Lol.

I’ll eat. I’ll log. I’ll enjoy my kids Christmas performance. I’ll talk to family. I’ll take that nap. I’ll enjoy being alive another year! So 38, if you thought me getting closer to 40 would be an issue you are wrong. Bring on 90! (And I’m pretty sure I got all the bipolar mood swings here in one post haha). Thank you FS friends for making these last 9 months a happy time and helping me in my journey! Thank you for your support! For just being here.

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